The Dark Shadow Feminine

03 June 2011
Have you ever, or can you imagine coming home from a hard day`s work, to the children you cherish and the wife you are in love with, only to be told, “It`s over”, and she doesn`t want you anymore? She just wants you to move out right now! You won`t see your children 12 out of every 14 days from here on and to top it off, she wants most of your money? How can that happen? Where does such behaviour come from? It seems to happen all too often and leaves those on the receiving end shocked and confused. We`ve both been there.

There have been a million words written about the dark side of male energy and the male psyche: abusive, violent, selfish, cheating, lying, deserting their children, and so on, and deservedly so. But there`s not much written about female rage, the dark side of the female and that is what we see as The Dark Shadow Feminine. There are a lot of kind, considerate, attentive, honest, loyal, loving fathers, husbands and boyfriends who find themselves in what can only be described as a living hell, leaving them confused and frustrated to the extreme, as they try to understand what the hell is happening, or has happened to their relationship.

Let`s start with the notorious `honeymoon period`. The web gets woven. In the beginning, you are both 100% attentive, well mannered, considerate, immaculately dressed, carefree, provocative, exciting, sexy, anytime, anywhere, anyway. If that`s who you both really are (and we believe it should be, but that`s another article), then that`s wonderful. But if she`s just pretending to be this person, then she`s just luring her hooks into your heart to trap you. Not too long after the marriage, or moving in together, when those hooks are fully under your skin, it all suddenly dries up and someone else emerges and you wonder who the hell this person really is. Suddenly your heart is bleeding, because she`s pulling at the hooks and you are drawn into the world of the notorious Dark Shadow.

It`s really hard to find much out there written about The Dark Shadow Feminine. Dark Shadow behaviour has a definite darkness about it though and it`s really hard to define exactly. There`s always an undercurrent going on, like a vortex sucking you down deeper and deeper into the depths of an ocean and you feel it in the pit of your stomach, even if you can`t quite put your finger on why you feel you are being drowned.

It`s sort of a poisonous cocktail with a smidge of being devious (so no-one else sees the games and what is really going on), deceitful, cunning and selfish, combined with a large slice of denial (who me?), and a shot of a complete lack of empathy for who it causes suffering to. It`s something that lurks in the shadows and is carried out in a very covert way. It`s what we see as the Dark Shadow Feminine. Yes, a lot could be applied to males, but as we said earlier, a zillion words have already been written about the outwardly aggressive male psyche (and millions of dollars dished out in related government support programs for women), but we`re talking here about that smidge of a shadow to it that`s not easy to define, but uniquely feminine. This is nothing new. If you look up Medusa, she has been used to represent `Female Rage` for centuries. She is an icon specifically for the feminine dark energy - The Dark Shadow Feminine.

I used to know someone whereby she would always offer me a drink just out of reach, just to make me stretch for it. Why? It`s a game to remind her she`s in control. Abusive phone calls that get nastier and nastier until you`ve just had enough and lose it and ring back only to be hung up on and then accused of being the aggressive one. I had a manager at work once, who had three daughters and gradually their mother poisoned them with lies against him to the point that they started refusing to see him. When the third and final one refused to see him, he was so distraught; he swerved his car head on into a truck on the way home. Why would she want to stop the children having a relationship with their dad? It was all about hurting him.

I used to live with a professional astrologer and regularly she`d come home having had numerous middle aged married women wanting readings to know if they are going to have an affair, if the guy down the street fancies them, if they`ve got any chance with this or that guy at the shops and so on. One married woman even bought a list of names in once and wanted to know which ones on it fancied her. To top it off, many would bring their married girlfriends along with them to share the juice with. We are all on our own journeys, but I was just appalled at the lack of integrity. They all had hubbies out hard at work during the day, so they didn`t have to, whilst they salivated over the opportunity to cheat on him during the day. It was pure unchecked Ego. If they weren`t happy enough with him so much so that they were out looking for someone else to have sexx with behind his back, they should have been honest and left. It`s Fear, pure fear of going out on their own and missing out on all the goodies he`s giving them, before having the next one lined up to safely jump to. They wanted the best of both worlds and actually, they didn`t Love themselves enough, because they were too afraid to look inside!

We believe everything comes down to Love and Fear. The Fear of if you`re not happy in your relationship, leaving it, BEFORE starting to look for someone else. To Love yourself enough is to not stay in a relationship you are unhappy in, even a day longer. It all starts by being honest to yourself, or by “Loving yourself”.

That doesn`t include telling your partner you ARE seeing someone else. Where`s the honesty in indirectly admitting you`ve actually been flirting around for a while or waited until you`ve FOUND the next one and already started another relationship? If Claire and I had met whilst being in other relationships, we would have been One instantly, but would have gone straight home and finished any current relationship immediately.

Many, many, years ago, I went home unexpectedly to see my wife at the time, trying to seduce a guy in our home. Even with the candles burning in the bedroom, lingerie, champagne and actually seeing her unbuttoning his trousers, she still had the arrogance to try and convince me he was just a friend and nothing was going on. Yeah, right. When that failed and I was understandably upset and in shock and demanded to know what the hell was going on, she just rolled out the Dark Shadow... what was I doing there? I wasn`t supposed to be there! Wait a minute, suddenly I`m the one being accused of being in the wrong? This was quickly followed by more Dark Shadow ... accusing me of being aggressive and abusive, because I was upset. Who wouldn`t be upset? This is where the shadow comes in, having already failed to do the honest thing and completely finish our relationship BEFORE initiating a new one, when sprung, the Dark Shadow behaviour instantly goes on the attack and becomes accusatory, playing with words rather than looking inwards and showing no regard for the hurt being dumped on the other party. No fessing up, with yes, you`ve caught me out, I`m really sorry. No. She was just in pure denial.

Many years ago with a fiancé (at the time) I was living with, I had been trying to get email setup correctly on her laptop, on and off for a couple of months. One night, I was trying some settings out, when suddenly a bounced email appeared in her inbox due to a misspelled email address. She had sent it to a guy through a dating site, complete with long descriptions of herself and children, with photos and asking for more of him. I had a look and found 2 or 3 similar sent emails. I was devastated. My stomach knotted up and my heart raced all night and I felt I was going to vomit blood. I stayed calm. The next day I joined the same dating site so I could see her profile, but discovered there she was online and available for chat! I couldn`t believe it. I held it in and didn`t say anything for 2 weeks. Every day I was at work, she`d be online. There were more flirting emails. One weekend, the conversation moved to honesty and fidelity. She sat there and told me she would never play around in any shape or form behind my back in any shape or medium. I took the opportunity and challenged her about that more. She actually accused me of not trusting her, of being `paranoid` and insecure. I couldn`t believe it. I knew she was sitting there lying through her teeth to me, which was bad enough, but she also had the additional arrogance to try and make me feel like I was the one with the problem. There was that Dark Shadow again, deceit, denial and finding a way to blame the other for it.

After about 2 weeks, I confronted her. I told her she had 2 minutes to tell me everything, if she wanted any chance of saving the relationship, otherwise I was moving out right away. She swore it was just the one email. I told her I knew of two. She swore it was only the two. I told her I knew of three. She swore it was only three. I asked her about the online chat. She exploded. Accusing me of invading her privacy (Dark Shadow again ... don`t look at your own behaviour). As I packed all my things to move out, I told her what I thought of her behaviour in very blunt terms, but all I got back was more Dark Shadow (accused of being aggressive and abusive with no concern for how it had hurt me). Once again, not having the honesty or integrity to finish the relationship she was in, BEFORE seeking out new ones, was very dark Fear based behaviour.

Dark Shadow is about inflicting premeditated mental torture on him, carefully hiding it and then denying doing it, whilst plotting to make him look like the protagonist after all. Her shadow twists, hides, plots and manipulates her way with him in Fear of just being honest. When she points her finger back at him with complete lack of consideration, she is just resonating with Fear -the Fear of going it alone instead of finishing one relationship off first, before lining up the next. She does not Love herself enough to leave the relationship BEFORE she has a lifeboat and safety net already lined up to jump to next.

On an even deeper level, let`s look at both male and female physiology. Masculine sexual energy is carried on the outside, whereas the female takes her lover inside. Males are action oriented whereas the feminine energy works from a hidden garden inside. If a male has an affair, it is often purely opportunist, whereas a female will often plan it. If a male finds his wife cheating on him, he`s more likely to try and catch her with the guy, kick the door in and use physical violence. If a woman finds out her man is cheating on her, she is more likely to quietly devise a cunning plan to wipe him out, humiliate him and cause as much vindictive suffering as possible, for as long as possible.

Ten years after I divorced my first wife, she was still trying to inflict as much pain as possible, including writing nasty letters to my relatives. Why?

We think both males and females have varying amount of masculine and feminine energy. We don`t think they just add up to 100% though. We think the levels are separate. You could, and some people do, have more than 50% feminine and more than 50% masculine energy. It could be 100% feminine and 80% masculine. Maybe becoming Whole, (and the whole concept we read about of balancing the feminine and the masculine), is really all about when we have a complete balance of 100% feminine and 100% masculine. It explains why some males can see through, and/or be dark shadow feminine as well.

Claire and I have both spent and wasted many hours meeting or dating people who just weren`t right for us (even marrying them) and have slowly over the years honed it into a near art form. We both met having online profiles that were actually designed to deter as many people as possible and only left a few with whom we had a real chance of hitting it off with and from the first connection, both Claire and I knew we had to be together and let the others go on the same day. Both of us just wanted The One, who would be right for us and nothing less. By being totally honest and out there with the details, we were Loving ourselves enough to NOT settle for anything less. We learnt that finding The One is NOT about compromises or pretending to be someone that we`re not, just to impress the other person.

We all need relationships along the way to grow and learn from, but we also need to be more discerning about each relationship and really try to hold out for The One. We have experienced many relationships along the way, learning and growing through each of them until we finally found each other in the end. Learning to Love ourselves first, was definitely the key to real lasting happiness.

It seems strange that we have never had that honeymoon period. We have always just been who we really are with each other, so there`s no surprises about waking up one day to another complete stranger in the bed and you`re married to them. Claire is still aware of her own dark shadow, but is constantly transforming the energy into light. It`s not an easy task, especially when you are surrounded by other people who have not learned to do this, but in understanding that the Dark Shadow is only Fear, transforming it, is just a matter of choice. Love.

© Copyright 2011


Wed 15 Jun 2011
Beautiful article! :) ...Dulce

Sun 14 Aug 2011
Wonderful article. I could relate so much to this. Thank you. ...John

Mon 09 Jan 2012
Thanks for the inihsgt. It brings light into the dark! ...Spud

Sat 22 Dec 2012
1cIY3T Great blog.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic. ...Social Bookmarks




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